Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
