Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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