Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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