I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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