just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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