just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
