youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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