and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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