K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
