Got a toothbrush?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Damn victory sex feels great
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