Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no you cant smoke seaweed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found your dick twin last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
