The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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