some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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