Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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