She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please don't give away my fajitas
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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