Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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