Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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