The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
