when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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