I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
