there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
