he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
