im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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