so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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