Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize