I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
