i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
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I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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