I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
