I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
