I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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