Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They took my balls.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
