so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
