The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
