just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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