i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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