I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
