38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
