he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
