i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
