I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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