god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've blown a few things in my day
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
