Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i dont even know how to be here
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
