TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
