Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
