im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
