Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
