Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
