We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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