I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
