I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
