Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
