i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
