Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
