I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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