just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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