And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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