Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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