I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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