If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
