Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
