He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
