I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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