I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
