i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize