No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just had sex bonerless
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
