Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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