Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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