Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
