I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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