I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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