we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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