i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
