you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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