I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shame - the story of my life.
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