I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
