see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
operation harelip BJ is a go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
